For the Better

I have lived through most of my life thinking that everything falls into place naturally. I was a person who thought that misfortunes that happened to other people could never happen to me. In school, I would pass classes easily even though I did not do a lot of homework or study for tests. I did not care about trying too hard because in the end, things ended up working out in my favor. I stuck with this mindset all the way from middle school to high school. I thought that nothing could go wrong, just keep doing the minimum and still be successful. I assumed that I can get into any college that I wanted as long as I met the requirements to submit the application and that all my other peers who did extracurricular activities like volunteering and joining clubs were trying too hard. I said to myself a lot, “Why are they putting themselves through this? Most likely we will all get accepted into whatever school we want.” I believed that college would not be hard to get into since so many kids go straight from high school. My ignorance soon died off when I checked my student portal that evening in March.

            The day I received my decision from Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, was just like any other day. I was not even anticipating school admissions decisions. It had been so long since I applied that I forgot that I was supposed to be waiting for their answer. I went to school early as usual to have time to hang out for a little while with my group of friends. The conversation that day was filled things like, “Did you hear (insert name) got accepted into (prestigious university)” or “I cannot believe (so-and-so) got in”.  I was idly listening to them talk as I was trying to finish the homework from the night before. Then I switched my focus when they mentioned that Gema Torres, a close acquaintance, got into my first choice school. I stopped my pencil and sat still. My mind was then analyzing my chances of also getting an acceptance. I compared myself to her and honestly, I felt that if she could get in, I could too. Actually, I thought I had a better chance than her to get accepted since I earned higher grades than her, but that was all I had against her. She told me later that she was active in sports and did different things outside of school too.  The rest of the school day went by slowly because all I could think about was what will the decision to my application will be. 

            Right after school I rushed home and ran straight to my computer. I had this feeling that I got in for sure. It is like one on those times when you just know. You do not have any facts or evidence, but you just have a strong belief. I was a little anxious as I logged into my student account on the Cal Poly website. My palms were sweaty; it could have from the hot weather or just me, but I did not care. I was focused on the bright computer screen. I clicked submit to view my application status and my eyes immediately caught those words that no applicant wants to read. We are sorry to say that… I just looked down and stared at my keyboard for a while. I had a moment of “what just happened?” and I checked the monitor again to grasp the reality of it all. I got up out of my chair and fell onto my bed. I just wanted to sink into my mattress. I stared up at the white ceiling and ran ideas through my head of what I should have done differently to change this outcome. What I thought was only 10 minutes of lying down and moping, was actually an hour. I tried my best not to think about what was really bothering me. I failed. There was also feeling that I let my parents that I could not shake off.  I thought I had it all planned out. Whenever my parents told me to stop playing games and study I would always respond by telling them to stop worrying because I know how to handle things. Do well in school and go to college. That is what I have been told, so I thought that it would be enough, but it obviously wasn’t enough. Even though I still made it into a few other schools I was still mad at the fact that I was not able to make it into my first choice.

I spent the next two days being sorry for myself. I would not show it though because I do not like people to feel pity for me. The whole experience was a wakeup call for me. I had to rethink my priorities. I remembered calling people lucky when they got their acceptances, but they were not lucky, they just worked hard to ensure they reached their goals. They wanted something and so they reached for it. I wanted something and I hoped to get it. I told myself I did not want to go through anything like that again.

            Since the moment I got the disappointing news, I wanted to have another chance at it. I did not settle for any other school that accepted me. I never felt the need to challenge myself and go above the minimum requirement. I took Cal Poly’s rejection as my first, real challenge in life.  I knew what I wanted and I was willing to actually work for it. The first step for me was to go and apply to a community college. I have been told by my friends that a lot of students become lazy in a community college because it is supposedly more laid back than a university. I just shrugged of their comments because I had something to keep me on track. I became determined to redeem myself

I carry that moment, when I realized that life is not laid out to you on a silver platter, with to this very day. I believe that my experience turned out to have a positive effect on my life. Instead of dwelling on my failure forever and using it as an excuse to not put myself out in the world, I learned from it to ultimately become more mature. I do not think about that event every day in my life, but what it had taught me always comes into play when I am faced with a difficult situation in my life so I can learn how to change myself for the better.