I have lived through most of my life thinking that
everything falls into place naturally. I was a person who thought that
misfortunes that happened to other people could never happen to me. In school,
I would pass classes easily even though I did not do a lot of homework or study
for tests. I did not care about trying too hard because in the end, things
ended up working out in my favor. I stuck with this mindset all the way from middle
school to high school. I thought that nothing could go wrong, just keep doing
the minimum and still be successful. I assumed that I can get into any college
that I wanted as long as I met the requirements to submit the application and that
all my other peers who did extracurricular activities like volunteering and
joining clubs were trying too hard. I said to myself a lot, “Why are they
putting themselves through this? Most likely we will all get accepted into whatever
school we want.” I believed that college would not be hard to get into since so
many kids go straight from high school. My ignorance soon died off when I
checked my student portal that evening in March.
The day I
received my decision from Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, was just like any other
day. I was not even anticipating school admissions decisions. It had been so
long since I applied that I forgot that I was supposed to be waiting for their answer.
I went to school early as usual to have time to hang out for a little while
with my group of friends. The conversation that day was filled things like,
“Did you hear (insert name) got accepted into (prestigious university)” or “I
cannot believe (so-and-so) got in”. I
was idly listening to them talk as I was trying to finish the homework from the
night before. Then I switched my focus when they mentioned that Gema Torres, a
close acquaintance, got into my first choice school. I stopped my pencil and
sat still. My mind was then analyzing my chances of also getting an acceptance.
I compared myself to her and honestly, I felt that if she could get in, I could
too. Actually, I thought I had a better chance than her to get accepted since I
earned higher grades than her, but that was all I had against her. She told me
later that she was active in sports and did different things outside of school
too. The rest of the school day went by
slowly because all I could think about was what will the decision to my
application will be.
Right after
school I rushed home and ran straight to my computer. I had this feeling that I
got in for sure. It is like one on those times when you just know. You do not
have any facts or evidence, but you just have a strong belief. I was a little
anxious as I logged into my student account on the Cal Poly website. My palms were
sweaty; it could have from the hot weather or just me, but I did not care. I
was focused on the bright computer screen. I clicked submit to view my
application status and my eyes immediately caught those words that no applicant
wants to read. We are sorry to say that… I just looked down and stared at my
keyboard for a while. I had a moment of “what just happened?” and I checked the
monitor again to grasp the reality of it all. I got up out of my chair and fell
onto my bed. I just wanted to sink into my mattress. I stared up at the white
ceiling and ran ideas through my head of what I should have done differently to
change this outcome. What I thought was only 10 minutes of lying down and
moping, was actually an hour. I tried my best not to think about what was
really bothering me. I failed. There was also feeling that I let my parents
that I could not shake off. I thought I
had it all planned out. Whenever my parents told me to stop playing games and
study I would always respond by telling them to stop worrying because I know
how to handle things. Do well in school and go to college. That is what I have
been told, so I thought that it would be enough, but it obviously wasn’t
enough. Even though I still made it into a few other schools I was still mad at
the fact that I was not able to make it into my first choice.
I spent the next two days being
sorry for myself. I would not show it though because I do not like people to
feel pity for me. The whole experience was a wakeup call for me. I had to
rethink my priorities. I remembered calling people lucky when they got their
acceptances, but they were not lucky, they just worked hard to ensure they reached
their goals. They wanted something and so they reached for it. I wanted
something and I hoped to get it. I told myself I did not want to go through
anything like that again.
Since the
moment I got the disappointing news, I wanted to have another chance at it. I
did not settle for any other school that accepted me. I never felt the need to
challenge myself and go above the minimum requirement. I took Cal Poly’s
rejection as my first, real challenge in life.
I knew what I wanted and I was willing to actually work for it. The
first step for me was to go and apply to a community college. I have been told
by my friends that a lot of students become lazy in a community college because
it is supposedly more laid back than a university. I just shrugged of their
comments because I had something to keep me on track. I became determined to redeem
myself
I carry that moment, when I
realized that life is not laid out to you on a silver platter, with to this
very day. I believe that my experience turned out to have a positive effect on
my life. Instead of dwelling on my failure forever and using it as an excuse to
not put myself out in the world, I learned from it to ultimately become more
mature. I do not think about that event every day in my life, but what it had
taught me always comes into play when I am faced with a difficult situation in
my life so I can learn how to change myself for the better.
